Month: January 2020

Favors, Vulnerability, and Recovery from Disappointment

Every once in a while I find myself in a vulnerable position and need to ask a favor of someone.  Many people find asking a favor difficult and that it makes them feel indebted or dependent.  Personally, I don’t find asking difficult because I know my heart’s attitude towards reciprocity in society: stranger or friend, I am happy to help anyone who sincerely asks a favor of me. We’re social animals and, therefore, we should not be afraid to help a stranger nor ashamed to receive help.

Inevitably, sometimes we ask for a favor and are disappointment by the lack of fulfillment. Is there any recourse?

It’s impossible to safeguard against ever being disappointed, but we can become better at dealing with it. Here’s my strategy for dealing with unfulfilled favors as they loom and after disappointment hits.

Your Face is NOT a Consolation Prize

Have you ever had a day when, out of the blue, you felt good about the way you looked?  Your hair was just right and your skin was free of blemishes.  Looking in the mirror, you couldn’t stop smiling at yourself.

But then you pick up your phone and see the gorgeous (or handsome) faces of Instagram influencers.  Or perhaps you walk down the street and see a classic beauty posing for a Tiffany advertisement, or the entrancing faces of Victoria Secret models caught mid-laughter.

At that moment you start to feel like your own beauty is a consolation prize. Sure, you appreciate your own good looks, but a part of you would still give it away in a heartbeat if you could just look like ‘her’.

It’s an uncomfortable, if not emotionally painful, feeling. Why do we feel like this and how can we feel better?